How does a narcissist react when caught cheating

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What really gave me the chills early on is when she confided in me that I was strong and more savvy than other men…. He has to have his name on license plate, be center of attention, is chronically late, on and on…. The less notice she has, the better off you are.

That would be when the narc goes back to your friend, if he thinks she will feel sorry for him that's their whole schtick, the world has done them wrong and we must feel They are very good at targeting women with higher amounts of empathy and forgiveness. Had a boyfriend in 1995 beat me up so badly that I was legally blind for a few years but no one helped me he told people it was my fault he attacked me!

Lies Narcissists Use To Make You Stick Around

Sexual dalliances alleviate this nagging and frustrating ennui. Thus, a narcissist may be a model employee and pursue a career path over decades even as he cheats on his wife and fritters their savings away. They reject and vehemently resent all limitations and conditions placed upon them by their partners. They act on their impulses and desires unencumbered by social conventions and strictures. The narcissist feels robbed of his uniqueness by these pursuits and coerced into the relationship and into roles — such as a husband and a father — that reduce him to the lowest of common denominators. This narcissistic injury leads him to rebel and reassert his superiority and specialness by maintaining extramarital affairs. Having a relationship implies a give-and-take and a train of compromises which the narcissist acutely interprets to mean a loss of control over his life. To reassert control, the narcissist initiates other relationships in which he dictates the terms of engagement love affairs. Their behavior is best characterized as an. Adultery is an excellent tool in the attempt to retard intimacy and resort to a less threatening mode of interaction. Broadly speaking, there are two types of narcissists, loosely corresponding to the two categories mentioned in the question: the somatic narcissist and the cerebral narcissist. They hold women in contempt, they loathe and fear them. They seek to torment and frustrate them either by debasing when a narcissist is caught cheating and lying sexually — or by withholding sex from them. They harbor ambiguous feelings towards the sexual act. His is a mechanical act, devoid of intimacy and commitment. The cerebral narcissist feels that sex is demeaning and degrading. The cerebral narcissist convinces himself that he is above all that, endowed as he is with superior intelligence and self-control. Still, sex for both types of narcissists is an instrument designed to increase the number of Sources when a narcissist is caught cheating and lying Narcissistic Supply. In other words: if the narcissist cannot obtain adoration, admiration, approval, applause, or any other kind of attention by other means e. He then become a satyr or a nymphomaniac : indiscriminately engages in sex with multiple partners. His sex partners are considered by him to be objects — sources of Narcissistic Supply. The narcissist is likely to perfect his techniques of courting and regard his sexual exploits as a form of art. He usually exposes this side of him — in great detail — to others, to an audience, expecting to win their approval and admiration. Because the Narcissistic Supply in his case is in the very act of conquest and what he perceives to be subordination — the narcissist is forced to hop from one partner to another. If men — they prefer virgins, married women, frigid or lesbian women, etc. Such a narcissist may be married, but he does not regard his extra-marital affairs as either immoral or a breach of any explicit or implicit contract between him and his spouse. He keeps explaining to anyone who cares to listen that his other sexual partners are nothing to him, meaningless, that he is merely taking advantage of them and that they do not constitute a threat and should not be taken seriously by his spouse. With the exception of the meaningful women in his life, he tends to view all females in a bad light. His behavior, thus, achieves a dual purpose: securing Narcissistic Supply, on the one hand — and re-enacting old, unresolved conflicts and traumas abandonment by Primary Objects and the Oedipal conflict, for instance. When inevitably abandoned by his spouse — the narcissist is veritably shocked and hurt. This is the sort of crisis, which might drive him to psychotherapy. Still, deep inside, he feels compelled to continue to pursue precisely the same path. His abandonment is cathartic, purifying. Following a period of deep depression and suicidal ideation — the narcissist is likely to feel cleansed, invigorated, unshackled, ready for the next round of hunting. But there is another type of narcissist. He also has bouts of sexual hyperactivity in which he trades sexual partners and tends to regard them as objects. However, with him, this is a secondary behavior. It appears mainly after major narcissistic traumas and crises. Thus, following a life crisis, the cerebral narcissist is likely to be deeply involved in sexual activities — very frequently and almost to the exclusion of all other matters. However, as the memories of the crisis fade, as the narcissistic wounds heal, as the Narcissistic Cycle re-commences and the balance is restored — this second type of narcissist reveals his true colours. He abruptly loses interest in sex and in all his sexual partners. The frequency of his sexual activities deteriorates from a few times a day — to a few times a year. He reverts to intellectual pursuits, sports, politics, voluntary activities — anything but sex. This kind of narcissist is afraid of encounters with the opposite sex and is even more afraid of emotional involvement or commitment that he fancies himself prone to develop following a sexual encounter. In general, such a narcissist withdraws not only sexually — but also emotionally. If married — he loses all overt interest in his spouse, sexual or otherwise. He confines himself to his world and makes sure that he is sufficiently busy to preclude any interaction with his nearest and supposedly dearest. In such circumstances, sex inevitably becomes an obligation, a necessity, or a maintenance chore reluctantly undertaken to preserve his sources of supply his family or household. At the same time, he feels hostility towards his spouse for ostensibly preventing him from freely expressing his sexuality, for isolating him from carnal pleasures. Therefore, I am not allowed to be in any form of contact with other women which might be interpreted as more than casual or businesslike. This is why I refrain from having anything to do with women — because I am being faithful, as opposed to most other immoral men. However, I do not like this situation. They can have as much sex and romance as they want to — while I am confined to this marriage, chained by my wife, my freedom curbed. I am angry at her and I will punish her by abstaining from having sex with her. He limits himself to the rawest exchanges of information and isolates himself socially. His reclusion insures against a future hurt and avoids the intimacy that he so dreads. But, again, this way he also secures abandonment and the replay of old, unresolved, conflicts. Finally, he really is left alone by everyone, with no Secondary Sources of Supply. In his quest to find new sources, he again embarks on ego-mending bouts of sex, followed by the selection of a spouse or a mate a Secondary Narcissistic Supply Source. Then the cycle re-commence: a sharp drop in sexual activity, emotional absence and cruel detachment leading to abandonment. The second type of narcissist is mostly sexually loyal to his spouse. He alternates between what appears to be hyper-sexuality and asexuality really, forcefully repressed sexuality. In the second phase, he feels no sexual urges, bar the most basic. He is much more interested in preventing a worrisome dwindling of the kind of Narcissistic Supply that really matters. Sex, he says to himself, contentedly, is for those who can do no better. Somatic narcissists tend to verbal exhibitionism. They tend to brag in graphic details about their conquests and exploits. The exhibitionist sees himself reflected in the eyes of the beholders. This constitutes the main sexual stimulus, this is what turns him on. There is bound to be a connection. Sin of self-love possesseth all mine eye And all my soul and all my every part; And for this sin there is no remedy, It is so grounded inward in my heart. Methinks no face so gracious is as mine, No shape so true, no truth of such account; And for myself mine own worth do define, As I all other in all worths surmount. Sonnet 62, William Shakespeare Sam Vaknin is the author of Malignant Self Love, and runs the website Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited. Sam has served as the author of the Personality Disorders topic, Narcissistic Personality Disorder topic, the Verbal and Emotional Abuse topic, and the Spousal Abuse and Domestic Violence topic, Suite101.

When combined with their sense of sexual entitlement, this makes them dangerous predators who place their partners at high risk for emotional and physical repercussions. They grandstand early on how they would never lie or cheat or even tell a tragic tale of how they themselves were cheated on. I am a empath as well and recently found that out myself a couple years back. Psychopaths are not as bad as narcissists! It turned out my N was lying all along. I thought so many times that I felt abused emotionally but maybe it was me or I was crazy! But he also has very abusive traits as well. Wow, everything written in this is so true it actually is quite emotional to read. When I wanted to leave he begged and promised changing his behaviors. Whatever they accuse you of is them talking about themselves.